Suddenly a certain feelings come accross my heart. I feel so much in confusion, i dont know what.

I feel pain here inside my heart, i dont know why

I feel so cold here inside my body i dont know how

I feel lost here inside my mind i dont know ..

I certainly in doubt, i know that

I certainly in a guilty feeling, i realize that

I certainly in an exhausting circle,i’m so scared of that

I just need to exhale, and when will it be

Coz as long as a human still breath there’s no way you can say time out for a break..

Is it possible exhaling means dying?

Jam setengah tiga sore. GUe berduaan doang di kantor sama rekan kerja yang sedang sibuk bersenandung mendengarkan mp3 dari komputernya.
Sambil denger lagu2 romantis nan melankolis,bikin gue jadi kebawa pengen berromantis2 ria ama sang terkasih.
Kebetulan punya copy chat gue di im ama dia, dan bikin gue jadi ketawa2 sendiri betapa lucunya cara pedekate gue ama dia dulu.

Sumpah gue gak pernah nyangka, dia yang sebelumnya bahkan gak pernah berani gue pikirin, sekarang jadi orang yang paling perduli sama hidup gue.
Masih inget gue saat kenal ama dia lebih dari setahun yang lalu.
Saat gue berpikir kalo dia cuma tipe cowok gaul yang suka tebar pesona sana sini.
Gue selalu berpkir dia cuma cowok playboy yang kemungkinan banyak ngebagi cintanya di sana sini juga.
Siapa sangka, sekarang dia memberikan seluruh cintanya hanya buat gue (i wish)

Masih inget gue, lebih dari empat bulan lalu, gue cuma akan ber say "hi" aja setiap kali ketemu dia.
Bahkan gue gak bisa anggap dia itu temen gue.
BUt look at us now.
Gak ada hari tanpa kita bercakap2 di YM, sms, maupun via telepon.
BIla malam kami pisah, maka paginya pun kami sudah seperti gila saking rindunya satu sama lain.

Gak pernah terbayangkan sama gue, cowok yang suka bikin gue bete dengan nada angkuhnya setiap kali nelpon ke kantor ini, pada akhirnya menjadi cowok yang paling gue harapin akan menjadi suami gue nanti.
Dulu gue sama sekali gak pernah mikirin dia, secara yang gue tahu ada banyak cewek yang ngefans sama dia.
Tapi sekarang, gue selalu rindu ama pelukan hangatnya dan aroma badannya yang penuh kasih.

Kita emang gak pernah mengerti takdir.
Gue dan dia sama-sama letih dan terluka akibat hubungan jangka panjang yang melelahkan dan penuh dengan masalah.
GUe dan dia sama2 sudah pasrah akan cinta sejati dan gak berani berharap hal itu akan terjadi pada kita berdua.
Dan kita berdua sama2 sudah letih mencari dan terus mencari dimana belahan jiwa itu .

Tapi lihat kami sekarang.
Kami berdua saling mencintai dan benar2 tergila-gila akan cinta yang kami punya.
Rasanya tak pernah cukup untuk saling memeluk dengan segala kasih yang ada di hati
Rasanya tak pernah cukup untuk saling mencium dengan segala hasrat
Rasanya tak pernah cukup untuk saling menghirup aroma keberadaan masing2 kami ada disamping kami berdua

Kami berencana menikah.
Semoga itu tidak hanya menjadi tujuan, tapi juga awal kami menjalani hidup dengan saling berbagi
Saling menghargai, menghormati, dan mengasihi

Semoga rencana ini bukan rencana semata.
Semoga apa yang kami tuju ini tercapai dengan caranya yang paling indah.
Semoga kami bisa saling mencinta hingga kami sama-sama menjadi tua dan bijak
Semoga kami bisa saling tergila-gila seperti ini, meski segala gairah dan nafsu itu sudah pudar nanti.

Aku mencintai kamu, homerku

Rasanya tidak bosan saya mengucap hal ini kepadanya.
Bahwa saya sangat mencintainya.
Bahwa pelukannya selalu membuat saya merasa aman, nyaman, dan terlindungi.
Bahwa tatapannya yang tak pernah saya tahu apa artinya itu, selalu menarik saya semakin dalam, jauh, dan lebih dalam dan jauh lagi untuk menyelami apa yang sebenarnya ada di sana.
Bahwa setiap bersamanya, selalu menjadi tiap detik yang terlewati menjadi begitu berarti hingga saya tak bisa mengucap sepatahpun.

Rasanya tak pernah cukup bagi saya untuk mengutarakan hal ini kepadanya.
Bahwa saya sangat menikmati setiap sentuhan dan usapan yang dia berikan kepada saya
Bahwa saya sangat menyesapi dengan khidmat tiap ciuman lembut yang ia daratkan di bibir saya.
Bahwa senyum nakalnya itu selalu bisa membuat saya ingin tertawa dan memeluknya dengan erat
Bahwa keberadaannya di samping saya, selalu bisa membuat saya bagai wanita paling beruntung di dunia

Rasanya tidak akan pernah cukup bagi saya,
Bahwa menghirup aroma tubuhnya sudah menjadi kebutuhan paling pokok untuk saya penuhi tiap hari
Bahwa dada hangatnya selalu menjadi satu hal yang paling saya rindukan di tiap hari yang saya jalani
Betapa tawa cerianya menjadi satu satunya hal yang menjadi penyegar dalam kekeringan jiwa saya
Dan Untuk selalu berkata bahwa saya mencintainya hari demi hari

Aku sungguh mencintaimu

I like it a lot
when you say that magic word
while your eyes looking through my soul deeply
while your touches give the strength to my believe
the word inflows to me,makes me reaching more

I like it a lot
when you hug me
with that warm hug, offers the comfort to my worry
with your lovely arms wide open, put the peace into my own riot
your embrace is a home where i lay all the pride for this fake world

i like it a lot
when you kiss me
the passionate soft caress of yours get me carried away and lost in its beauty
with the affectionate demands, dominates me to shiver and beg for the exquisiteness
the kiss is a full of sensation rainbow that i never enough to taste

but i really dont like it
when you walk away just like that
leave me staring at your getting far gesture
put me here denying the sore
your unpresence is bugging me a lot

so please, dont leave me

Would you marry me?

Every little girl, has their own cinderella dream. A dream about the Prince Charming with his shining armour and white horse, coming to rescue her from the evil stepmother.
Or maybe about, (still )a charming prince who’s gonna give her a swet kiss on the lips, and wake her up from the poisonous apple.
A dream that ends with  words: live happily ever after..

The dream changes as the time passing by..
The Prince Charming still the same. BUt the apple and the evil stepmother turn into the torturing single living and depressing surroundings
There’s no more swwt kisses to wake her up.
It turns into a single paragraph, proposed in a romantic dinner under the solemn moonlight.
A single paragraph, that makes the girl who turns into a woman, breathless under the overwhelming happiness
A single paragraph, that makes her cries over the joy, and speechless, but needless to say, also makes her wants to scream out loud
A single paragraph,that makes her feels like the happiest woman on earth.
A "Would you marry me ?" paragraph..

ANd even we’ll never know wether the story ends with "happily ever after" or not, but we know that at the end, hearing the paragraph from the person we love, would be a dream come true..
ANd we’ll feel whatever cinderella feels when the Prince Charming put her glass shoes on her feet, solemnly.
ANd no matter what it ends, the process would be a blessed to undergone

ANd for that Cinderella Dream,
I’m so gratefull because i hear it from you..
Coz my answer is I do

Finally..

STanding in front of two paths almost make me desperate.

Every decisions might hurt people  i love.

When it comes to dilemma, i’ve had enough choosing

And most of my decisions didn’t bring me to the good end.

So, could this path i chose, bring me to another pain????

All i know, i have brought so much pains to people around me..

FORGIVE me, GOD

Finally, to GOD i must return

I received it this morning.
It felt so warmth and loved. When you send me that song. The song which i proudly told you, that it’s my song.
A sudden soft and sweet feeling run through my veins.
Yeah, hun.
It’ was because of that song.

Remember to let him into your heart, than you begin to make it better..

It’s true, hun.

I let you into my heart. and suddenly my world turns to a heavenly kingdom i build for myself.
And that’s just the way you make me feel

The minute you let him under your skin, then you begin to make it better.

I should say , "tell me about it"
everytime you touch me with those big firm hands.I almost cried over for another touch
ANd guess what, my whole life gets better..

ANd hun, you can tell me overwhelming, but i do adore you so.

Had no plan in the begining.
But you make me trust it.
Make me believe it.

Show my will to follow that sign, walking to that door.

When i’m afraid to be alone.
You said, i can always count on you.
And hunny, those were sweet words.

When i’m in doubt, feeling bad for burdening you, you said love is not a burden.
ANd hunny, what else can make me better than that??

you have found him, go out and get him.

yes, i ‘ve found you at last

HUnny, when you put that idea of belong together, i was so afraid, never dare to imagine it.
BUt your affection desired me to crave that dream.

NOw that i’m imagining it the most beautiful form of fantasy,i must be crazy for fearing it to be untrue.

But hunny, you give me those promises.

A promise that you’ll gonna hold my hand no matter what.
A promise that you’ll be always here, wherever I am.

Uncare with my super selfish unreasonable act.
Uncare with my almost fat stomach.
Uncare with my unimaginably crowded hair.

You promise you”ll be here.

I love you hunny.

Promise me that your promise will be true.

COz i know, with you, i  begin to make it better.

The more I HOld it, the more it gets stronger and deeper.

GUess that how i feel for you.

Never want to be involve too deep by the beginning.

BUt guess you ‘re some kind of wonderful,

The feeling over you fills my body with it warmth

I thought i could make the wall to protect this heart from falling

I thought i could make the limit to cover my mind from clinging to you too hard

I thought i could make the boundary to my body from aching every time your skin touches mine

but i guess you’re that kind of wonderful till my heart fulls in pain everytime i feel this sensation of needing you

but i guess you have that magic spells on me till your adorable figure possesesme

or maybe you’re just that ordinary till i worship this love for you  more and more

I see him bleeding…
Scar in his yes
Deep wound in his voice
Tears in his heart.
BUt all i do is begging

I see him injured
Falling from his faith
Drowning in his pain
Smiling in his anguish
But all i do is silent

I see him bluring..
Trying hard to comprehend
Trying hard to cope with
Trying hard to forgive me
But i do nothin…

He lightens my gloomy space
He carves my sky with unconditional love and simple honesty
He puts the smile on my misery
He pledges the true heart vow, without even inquires mercy

But I stabbed him with my selfish-dishonesty blade..

And is it possible if i declare how this agony won’t heal for breaking his very heart..
Is it probable for me to shout how this devotion is engraved only by his name

Dedicated only for you, the light of my life..
"Sory, pooh.. I Love you so

Sayang, hari ini aku senang sekali.
Kamu bilang kalau aku ini cantik
Yah meskipun kamu tak mengatakannya dengan benar, aku tahu maksud kamu pasti begitu.
Kamu bilang kalupun aku tak merasa cantik, yang kamu rasa berbeda.
Itu artinya kamu anggap aku cantik, kan?

Sayang, tapi aku takut sekali..
Takut nanti dibilang serakah
Takut nanti dibilang jahat
Karena aku merasa terlalu bahagia..
Apakah kebahagiaan sebesar ini cuma untuk aku??
Bolehkan aku bagi denganmu..
Supaya kamu tahu, bagaimana rasanya ..